Looking back over my lifetime, I can recall some first dates I’ve had, and I must admit that I really failed in selecting what to do. If you look online there are always suggestions of things to do on a first date and all of them seem to require a substantial outlay of cash. As a reader of this column, you know that Ol’ Dutch has that old Scottish blood that makes us tighter than bark on a tree, and my first dates suffered because of it.
Of course, I also know that I bring a lot to the table, so I really do not have to put out much in the way of monetary expenditures. (Poor Miss Trixie’s eyes are rolling around in their sockets like they are pinball marbles. She really needs to get that fixed.) Now, what was I saying? Yes, I bring a lot to the table and couple that with the fact that I really just do not care much about what anyone thinks, it is the recipe for a first date disaster.
I can recall in high school going to a few football games on first dates and that was probably okay given the fact that all of our friends were there, too. And I had a few nice dinners out with young ladies, a few hikes, ATV rides, a concert or two and maybe even a church function when I tried to date religious women.
And I have now figured out that had Ol’ Dutch kept to his regimen of boring and unimaginative first dates, I would still be single and free as that bird in the old song “I’ll Fly Away.” You know the verse, “When the shadows of this life have gone, I'll fly away; Like a bird from prison bars has flown, I'll fly away.” But as life often turns out, I am stuck like a beaver in a draining pond, a giraffe in an eight-foot room, a lion with Biblical Daniel and/or like God seems to be stuck with us.
And it is my own fault as I forgot myself when I first met Miss Trixie and took her on a date to beat all dates. Thus, winning her heart and soul forever, so it seems. I am reminded of this today as tomorrow marks the 12th anniversary of our first date. Now you may ask just what did Ol' Dutch do to Miss Trixie that made her so enamored with me?
And I will tell you so that other Nimrods out there do not make the same mistake as Ol’ Dutch and find himself entangled in the lifelong web of togetherness. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, Ol’ Dutch forgot himself and actually took Miss Trixie bear hunting for our first date. I know, right? I didn’t think. Obviously, all of you can look back in hindsight with that proverbial 20-20 vision and say, “you should have known better.” But as often happens to men, I was blinded by her pretty face and voluptuous figure and as they say, the rest is history.
Now I think I might have been able to skirt around this blessed entanglement if I had simply taken her along. But Ol’ Dutch actually got a bear in the first 30 minutes of hunting and Miss Trixie could see that she needed to hang her suitcase up at my door as she would never be hungry again. And I fell in love with her when nature called while we were on a mountain top. And, unlike my first wife, Miss Trixie was able to answer nature in the woods rather than come to town for a flushing toilet. That is true love, indeed.
So here we find ourselves 12 years later, living the good life and happy as two pigs in a mud puddle. Or that's what she tells me anyway.
I will be out bright and early this week trying to get an elk and bear once again but this time I am leaving Miss Trixie at home. One more miracle shot from Ol’ Dutch and poor Trixie would be so much in love she would be no earthly good. I have that effect on women.
Kevin Kirkpatrick spends his days fishing, hunting, ATVing, hiking or making people laugh. His email is Kevin@TroutRepublic.com. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com.
