Just say no to CoronaVirus


Trout Republic

Ol’ Dutch heard something the other day about some new virus that is going around and so I decided to investigate further as malware of any sort is a concern of mine.
When I first heard about this sickness spreading around the planet like a handshake with a snot-nosed kid, I was surprised that no one had noticed it before. For I had many times seen what “Corona” could do to otherwise healthy and intelligent human beings
Many a night I stood in awe and wonder as Corona-imbibed bar patrons got the blind staggers, lost their memory, money and good sense while draining bottle after bottle of the yellow brew.
So it came as no surprise to me to learn that people actually had died from such a thing as according to the comedian Jerry Clower, “too much of anything ain’t good.”
Now Ol’ Dutch never was a fan of beer anyway and gave it up in his younger days which can mostly be attributed to his being a Scotchman at heart and indeed. For you see Ol’ Dutch has often made dimes out of nickels with frugal living and wise investing. Well sort of.
But regardless I just could not believe that anyone would be shocked that drinking Corona beer or too much of any beer would be that serious of an issue. And even though I have seen excessive amounts of the golden liquid cause marriages, divorces, children and buying puppies at yard sales, the lack of said beverage can also have adverse effects on those accustomed to its side effects.
Imagine my surprise to learn that this new Corona thing was not due to missing the AA meetings at all but came out of China. And unlike the proverbial slow boat to China that we have all heard talked about by our parents and Uncle Dan, this Oriental boat is going pretty fast and leaving no shore untouched.
You can rest assured that our fearless leaders will waste no time except yours and mine in creating a panic out of this new virus and I am sure if you dig deep enough you will find something else going on and they are just trying to throw us off the scent of the real news. It’s all smoke and mirrors.
Now don’t get me wrong, this may end up wiping man off the planet like the Y2K, Ebola, Sars, German Flu, Swine Flu and Chicken Flu did over the last 20 years. Remember when they scared us with those? Except those didn’t actually destroy humanity although we were assured daily that the end was nigh.
The one thing all these viruses and scares have in common is they all were started in election years – or at least years ending in even numbers. And if that doesn’t send up a red flag, I do not know what else would.
But surely, they would not do something like that to us. Would they?
But regardless of the outcome man will somehow survive and we will go on with life waiting for the next disaster to befall us thereby ensuring nonstop reporting on our phones round the clock and networks showing babbling pundits with no expertise save dressing provocatively or wearing cashmere suits.
Being the worry wart that Miss Trixie and I are, we questioned our intelligence in desiring to go to South Padre Island, Texas, this week. Taking everything into consideration and hearing that the fish are biting, we find ourselves looking over the beautiful Gulf of Mexico and safely drinking pina coladas instead of beer. Problem solved.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected] Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.

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